Tag Archives: BP

Should Hayward be made to watch England?

Now I know how Tony Hayward feels.  I walked into the golf club on Saturday (after a reasonably good round) only to be the recipient of a broadside from a Scotsman, Brian Edwards.  He opened with ‘your blog isn’t funny, I got halfway through and gave up’.  With the Scots in buoyant mood after Friday’s footie debacle I really wasn’t expecting to have to deal with the one grumpy Scot (maybe he was upset by England beating Australia at rugby).  I love the World Cup as it costs the Scots a fortune in replica shirts; let’s hope we squeeze through on Wednesday and get the Germans.  I would love to see Mr Brian proudly wearing a German shirt.

Anyway just to keep the Scots happy and to continue with my policy of appeasing my American friends, below is the first funny of the day.

Cover of the New York Post

Closely followed by great observational humour courtesy of Alan Main (a Scot):

The England World Cup squad visited an Orphanage in South Africa today.

“It’s so great to put a smile upon the face of those who have no hope, and no prospects for the future”….said Thambo Mzuli, aged 6

If I was Tiny Hayward, and thank goodness I’m not, I too would be thinking I deserve a day off after stone walling the Energy and Commerce Subcommittee on Oversight and Investigations in the House of Representatives.  However here is where we deviate, whereas I would think hair shirt and a bit of purgatory, Mr Hayward had other ideas.  My trip to SA to watch England play would have extracted a lot of goodwill and sympathy from everyone.  Bottom of my list would have been to take my 40 foot yacht into the unpolluted waters off England for a pleasant sail around the Isle of Wight.  Who the whatever advises these guys?

BP CEO Tony Hayward criticised for yacht trip

With the Americans pressing for unlimited damages from BP ($20bn and climbing) it would be the perfect time to address the crime committed against the good people of India by a US company (sorry for the sombre note Brian but we need to keep this one in the public eye).

Bhopal 1984: 3,878 dead, Union Carbide (US company) paid in 1999 (i.e. 15 years later) the statutory max of $350m plus interest = $470m.

Moving swiftly back to funnies, third funny of the day is this Lego inspired replay of the England US game – brilliant.

And for my fourth – a naked bike ride around London to highlight how vulnerable you are when competing with cars on busy roads.  I wonder if it would be worth repeating the exercise in Dubai?

Cyclists strip off in central London for World Naked Bike Ride

My price watch this week is the highly recommended X-mini speaker (it’s brilliant) – Dubai silly prices strike again.

x mini speaker

Amazon £13.60, Sharaf DG AED 129

My music recommendation of the week is the brilliant new single by Sparklehorse with Julian Casablancas (of Strokes fame) on lead vocals.  Sparklehorse was the brain child of Mark Linkous who sadly took his own life in March of this year.

Also very sadly Andy Ripley died last week after a long battle against prostate cancer, he was a truly special character and rugby player, he managed to shine when England were absolutely rubbish.

Andy Ripley – a superstar who lit up our lives

Top 5 songs by Scots

  • Heaven; David Byrne Talking Heads
  • Road to nowhere; David Byrne, Talking Heads
  • Psycho killer; David Byrne, Talking Heads
  • Take me to the river; David Byrne, Talking Heads
  • This must be the place; David Byrne, Talking Heads
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Am I to blame?

I really didn’t think through the consequences of my actions, sorry BP. My friendly bit of American baiting has made Obama crazy mad with the Brits. To restore a bit of fair play let’s not forget Transocean, Cameron International, Halliburton Energy Services and we the people, for our insatiable demand for oil.

It’s difficult to know how this will all play out but I can imagine the city boys rubbing their hands with glee. As they bet furiously on BP’s share price the value of BP sinks ever lower and they become a take-over target. Imagine if the Chinese make the biggest bid, that would be a lot of fun for Obama and his new cheer leader, David Cameron.

What, you are probably wondering, has all of this got to do with the World Cup?

Robert Green that’s what. His spill just before half-time was catastrophic and I have to admit for about 30 seconds I felt very sorry for him. Then I remembered how much he is paid a week. As the ball trickled into the net I couldn’t help thinking of all of my Scottish friends leaping up and down with joy. Contrast this with the African approach where a whole continent is supporting each other. Come on you Scots, surely it’s better that we win the World Cup rather than Johnny foreigner.

Back to Green’s howler. As an experiment I took my 13-year-old, never played a game of football in her life, daughter into our garden this morning and rolled a football slowly towards her. She casually bent down, picked it up and nonchalantly chucked it back to me. The answer to England’s goalkeeping malaise is alive and well and living in a tidier- than- most teenager’s bedroom in Dubai!

Moving closer to home I have a small observation which has troubled me for many years. When you withdraw money from an HSBC ATM why doesn’t it give you the option of AED 500 and AED 1,000 on the first screen? Who wants to withdraw AED 600 or AED 1,300? Going to a second option and keying in the numbers is fiddly, time-consuming and a right pain in the butt for everyone waiting patiently behind.

However my prize for shocking customer service which has been the sole preserve of HSBC for longer than I care to remember has finally been handed over to a more deserving case. Step forward Etisalat/Evision for blitzing a very attractive World Cup offer while not taking into account that some people may actually want the service. Constantly busy phone lines and an e-mail response system which sends back the e-mail you send to them, make a great case study on how not to do it.

Further afield great news that Abby Sunderland has been rescued. Her poor parents are being heavily criticised for setting her adrift on a 40 foot boat in the middle of the Indian Ocean. Given the opportunity most parents of teenage children would do the same, but probably without the boat for company.

News also reached me that women are responsible for 70% of all shopping dollars spent (according to a Communicate report) I think our household skewed the numbers a bit but only on the basis that my wife, Sally, is much better at shopping than me. I head off on my bike for milk and return laden with everything from beetroot to toothpaste in a tin can.

To round off I’m really liking the new Klaxon single – listen to it here – and am especially looking forward to reading Roddy Doyle’s new book; The Dead Republic.

Top five for this week, has morphed into KP’s World Cup predictions;

  • Winners; England
  • Real Winners;Spain
  • Golden boot; Lionel Messi
  • Biggest shock; Brazil going out in QF
  • Smallest shock; Maradona self imploding

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