Tag Archives: Dubai police

Paul strikes again

Paul the octopus

Paul's (and my) prediction

Mr P is seriously good at this prediction game and we are now fishing for his thoughts on who will win the British Open.  Taking the lead from my blog entry before the World Cup started, he’s gone for Spain in the final.  Could I be the new Paul?

This has been a good week for news in the UAE.   HSBC’s regional chairman thinks sending debtors to jail is a great idea.  So if you owe HSBC money get the hell out of dodge town, judging by their usual response times you’ve got about a year’s head start before they notice.


While on the subject of HSBC they have an offer to upgrade to an Advance account which includes receiving 100,000 Air Miles.  The nice thing about Air Miles is that if you do use them for flights there are no restrictions and you can travel on the airline of your choice.  At this point I do have to declare a very vested interest, Air Miles is a client of ours and jolly nice people they are too.

More local news, the Sheikh Zayed Road stunt drivers were revealed as a police officer and government worker.  In a great example of punishment fitting the crime they were fined AED 1,000 for their antics.  This seems about right, a kiss equals three months in prison for offending local morality whereas driving like an idiot and endangering the lives of other road users is covered by a small fine.


Meanwhile the good people at the stats office have been having some fun cooking up the latest population numbers.  Once again the population of Dubai has grown despite all evidence to the contrary.  As you may recall from your English teacher at school, there are three types of lies – lies, damn lies and statistics (Benjamin Disraeli).


Even higher up the humour stakes this week were Gazza’s extraordinary offer to mediate in the Raoul Moat stand-off, there’s Geordie solidarity for you, and Joe Biden proving that Vice President’s are totally irrelevant.  When asked why America was exchanging 10 Russian spies for four American spies Mr Biden replied that the American ones are very good.  Well if they are so good how did they caught?

The Israelis take it even further and exchange half the population of Gazza for one soldier.  In welcoming Netanyahu to the White House has Obama conveniently forgotten the stealing of identities to murder a Palestinian in Dubai and the boarding of a ship in international waters?  I’m the elephant in the room.

I’ve hatched lots of plans this past week, notably to buy a big kite, start kettle bells and go to the Isle of Islay.  Having made up my mind to go to Islay I checked with my Scottish golfer friends how to get there and was met with blank faces.  For anyone that is interested you head towards Glasgow and turn sharp left.

On 6th July one of my client’s sent me an e-mail letting me know that today is the day that Marty McFly arrived in the future after hitting 88mph in a pimped out Delorean in 1985.

back to the future board

Before you get excited it was a hoax that stormed the internet (I fell for it and dug out my Back to the Future box set) once again proving the power of viral.  To offset my palpable disappointment I was rewarded with these gems



Having rambled enough it’s time for top 5s; this week I’ve settled for my five favourite footballers of this World Cup:

  • Xavi; Spain
  • Xabi Alonso; Spain
  • Iniesta; Spain
  • Mueller; Germany
  • Sneijder; Holland

If I don’t hear anything, I’ll assume you all agree with me (otherwise get busy with the comments box).

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Our brilliant boys in khaki

I decided at the beginning of the week to shake things up by restricting myself to simply reproducing the best quotes from around the world.  One day in and it was already game, set and match to Dubai Police with two crackers neither of which require further comment (although I will slip a few in).

Dubai Police Chief, Dahi Khalfan Tamim, urged Meir Dagan, the director of Israel’s Mossad, to “be a man” and admit that Israel stands behind last month’s assassination of Hamas chief Mahmoud al-Mabhouh.

Good on you Mr Tamim and come on Mr Netanyahu, front up, we all know you did it.

I don’t know if Mr Tamim is familiar with London buses but this is what a Dubai Police representative was quoted as saying in 7Days about the latest murder in Dubai.

‘Sometimes we wait weeks for a murder and now three have come along all at once.’

In my world everything happens in threes, and my advice to everyone is if there have been two plane crashes, wait for a third before setting forth, unless of course you are flying Qantas.

Changing the subject completely, did you know that Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix all died aged 27?  This came up in a recent quiz that my wife won by scoring 10 out of 10 in the literature round (misspent youth) and my reason for mentioning it is the BBC’s crazy proposal to axe 6 Music.  It actually costs less to run 6 Music than the BBC pays Jonathan Ross to play silly pranks on the daughters of national institutions.

While in this morbid mood it’s worth mentioning the sad demise of Michael Foot although he did have a very good innings.  Throughout his political life he managed to pull off the trick of being a highly-respected, much-loved, left-wing politician.  Best quote by Michael Foot “Men of power have no time to read; yet the men who do not read are unfit for power.”   Also much loved was Mo Mowlam who was an absolute star in sorting out the mess in Northern Ireland and was played brilliantly by Julie Walters in a recent Channel 4 biopic.  Sheer quality all round.

Bits and bobs to finish off:

The winner of the lyrics competition was Dani Connell, who promised me she didn’t use Google.  Most controversy was caused by my 18lb trout story; honest guv it was a big ‘un.

Rio FerdinandPicture of the week – Rio Ferdinand, England Football Captain.  Makes you proud.

Buy of the yearX-Mini, a brilliant mini speaker for your computer or iPod.

I’m afraid it’s going to have to be a top 8 this week as the top three spots are taken by the Prosser girls so in positions 4 – 8 come the next most beautiful women, in no particular order:

  • Angelina Jolie
  • Penelope Cruz
  • Beatrice Dalle (Betty Blue)
  • Lily Allen
  • Halle Berry

Leave your comments in the box and press submit otherwise I’ll take your silence as tacit agreement with my view of life.

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