Tag Archives: Paul the octopus

Did Paul see the end in sight?

Paul the octopus

No sooner had I posted my last blog than news filtered through that Paul the Octopus had died ‘peacefully in his sleep’. I really don’t understand how his handlers thought we would fall for the in his sleep explanation when there were so many people in Argentina and Germany who wanted him dead.  He was only spared the wrath of Tony from Tunbridge by the hastily pushed through press release that Paul was born and bred in England.  My own theory is the Germans were worried about adverse publicity if Paul passed away too close to the World Cup and hatched a plan to poison him slowly and surely.

Politicians are like molluscs

While still on the subject of wildlife here is one of my favourite recent quotes “This is a short-sighted, unimaginative and short-term government with the vision of a bat and the antennae of a mollusc.” David Blunkett.  The Tories got a big shock this week when their plan to make the poor even poorer backfired badly.  Unfortunately for them the UK economy grew in the last quarter by double what was anticipated.  They were very quick to take the credit for this growth however they are saying it will take the lifetime of this parliament for all of the other good work they are doing to double the unemployment rate.

How corrupt are you?

While we Brits are good at messing up our economy we’re rubbish when it comes to corruption.  This inter-active guide to corruption  allows you to see how countries compare when it comes to insider dealing.  New Zealand and the Scandahooligans don’t do corruption very well either but the good news is all of our of hard work in Iraq has paid off.  According to the index Iraq is now the most corrupt country in the world, well done George and Tony.

Winning while sleeping

In Spain they are more worried about the tradition of the siesta after lunch dying out than corruption.  The Spanish still think it’s a great idea and to promote the art of cat napping they recently held a contest to find the best of the best.  It was won by an Ecuadorean who managed to fall asleep in the middle of a shopping mall and earned bonus points for snoring loudly.

Well-endowed at a price

Moving swiftly on I was intrigued by the story that a top athlete has fallen foul of the anti-doping regulations for taking a male enhancement drug.  Linford Christie’s world famous lunch box immediately sprang to mind.  I guess if you are going to wear figure hugging shorts you want to improve your prospects by putting your best bits forward.

Rooney humour

I’m not sure if any of you read the Daily Mash but their take on the news is much funnier than mine.  I loved their story on Wayne Rooney’s new million pound a week contract, it’s very rude but beautifully observed.  By the way the conspiracy theory here is Man U have got Wayne to sign a contract to maximise his value when they sell him to Man City next summer.  Man City are in the market to replace Carlos Tevez who wants to go home, apparently Carlos doesn’t speak English which makes you wonder why Roberto Mancini made him captain.  Not a problem at Arsenal obviously but City have got quite a few Englishman playing for them.

Saudis in their Audis

I’ve also talked about viral a lot recently – it’s the holy grail for ad agencies to come up with something so good that everyone comes to you rather than you having to invade their territory.  Here is a rather bizarre one, the fat fellah says nowt all the way through.  Take a look, you will definitely chuckle at Saudis in our Audis.

Raising the viral bar very high are this amazing group, OK GO, who promote themselves entirely through brilliant videos that are watched by zillions on You Tube – here are a couple.

Apples are not the only fruit

Interesting observation, I read this headline and it made absolute sense; Apple record record profits.  My brain automatically translated the two meanings of record at which point I came to the conclusion that brains are very clever.  More brainy stuff, try this experiment at home; ask a willing accomplice to hold their hand flat palm up and place a bottle of water on their hand.  If you take the bottle away their hand will rise a few inches, if they take it away themselves their hand will remain rock steady.  Something to do with the brain sending messages to your extremities.

Finally on the subject of brains, kids are much cleverer than adults.  This was once again proven to me by the fact that everyone under 20 has a BlackBerry on the simple basis that they don’t do e-mails, texting or phone calls anymore.  Instead they stay in constant contact with all of their friends through BBM and Facebook which they can have unlimited usage of for AED 50 a month.  Bingo!

I’ve decided I really don’t like Apple on the simple premise that everything they make costs twice as much if you live outside the good old US of A.  I’m annoyed that Apple are making record profits by over charging Johnny foreigner.

Top five things that upset me:

  • Not being invited
  • HSBC
  • Slippers
  • Banker’s bonuses
  • Footballers diving

Having got that off my chest a happy story to end – see what happened when a crocodile grabbed a baby elephant by its trunk and the big boys came storming to the rescue.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/gallery/2010/oct/28/elephant-crocodile-kruger-south-africa#/?picture=368140666&index=0

Everybody say ahhh – or whatever else you want to get off your chest in the comments box.

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Paul strikes again

Paul the octopus

Paul's (and my) prediction

Mr P is seriously good at this prediction game and we are now fishing for his thoughts on who will win the British Open.  Taking the lead from my blog entry before the World Cup started, he’s gone for Spain in the final.  Could I be the new Paul?

This has been a good week for news in the UAE.   HSBC’s regional chairman thinks sending debtors to jail is a great idea.  So if you owe HSBC money get the hell out of dodge town, judging by their usual response times you’ve got about a year’s head start before they notice.

http://www.arabianbusiness.com/591996-jail-works-for-recouping-debt—hsbc-boss

While on the subject of HSBC they have an offer to upgrade to an Advance account which includes receiving 100,000 Air Miles.  The nice thing about Air Miles is that if you do use them for flights there are no restrictions and you can travel on the airline of your choice.  At this point I do have to declare a very vested interest, Air Miles is a client of ours and jolly nice people they are too.

More local news, the Sheikh Zayed Road stunt drivers were revealed as a police officer and government worker.  In a great example of punishment fitting the crime they were fined AED 1,000 for their antics.  This seems about right, a kiss equals three months in prison for offending local morality whereas driving like an idiot and endangering the lives of other road users is covered by a small fine.

http://www.arabianbusiness.com/592311-police-officer-convicted-over-dubai-stunt-driving

Meanwhile the good people at the stats office have been having some fun cooking up the latest population numbers.  Once again the population of Dubai has grown despite all evidence to the contrary.  As you may recall from your English teacher at school, there are three types of lies – lies, damn lies and statistics (Benjamin Disraeli).

http://www.arabianbusiness.com/592241-dubai-population-grows-nearly-2-in-q1—official-data

Even higher up the humour stakes this week were Gazza’s extraordinary offer to mediate in the Raoul Moat stand-off, there’s Geordie solidarity for you, and Joe Biden proving that Vice President’s are totally irrelevant.  When asked why America was exchanging 10 Russian spies for four American spies Mr Biden replied that the American ones are very good.  Well if they are so good how did they caught?

The Israelis take it even further and exchange half the population of Gazza for one soldier.  In welcoming Netanyahu to the White House has Obama conveniently forgotten the stealing of identities to murder a Palestinian in Dubai and the boarding of a ship in international waters?  I’m the elephant in the room.

I’ve hatched lots of plans this past week, notably to buy a big kite, start kettle bells and go to the Isle of Islay.  Having made up my mind to go to Islay I checked with my Scottish golfer friends how to get there and was met with blank faces.  For anyone that is interested you head towards Glasgow and turn sharp left.

On 6th July one of my client’s sent me an e-mail letting me know that today is the day that Marty McFly arrived in the future after hitting 88mph in a pimped out Delorean in 1985.

back to the future board

Before you get excited it was a hoax that stormed the internet (I fell for it and dug out my Back to the Future box set) once again proving the power of viral.  To offset my palpable disappointment I was rewarded with these gems

http://www.11points.com/Movies/11_Predictions_That_Back_to_the_Future_Part_II_Got_Wrong

http://www.11points.com/Movies/11_Predictions_That_Back_to_the_Future_Part_II_Got_Right

Having rambled enough it’s time for top 5s; this week I’ve settled for my five favourite footballers of this World Cup:

  • Xavi; Spain
  • Xabi Alonso; Spain
  • Iniesta; Spain
  • Mueller; Germany
  • Sneijder; Holland

If I don’t hear anything, I’ll assume you all agree with me (otherwise get busy with the comments box).

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